Flightless Bird

This song has been stuck in my head all week. Something about it screams simplicity and romance, even though I don't understand the lyrics too well. It's a beautiful minimalist piece, and I don't know how to describe the mood it exudes-- perhaps desperation and remorse, but also wistfulness and longing.

When I listen to it, a particular image flows into my mind- an adolescent boy and girl slow-dancing as though they are the only ones in the room. Young love at its finest. At which point does the platonic love between these two individuals evolve into romance? At which point does the nature of their friendship shift? The only thing we can be sure of is that when they look into each other's eyes, when they talk about pointless things and laugh, they have never experienced anything this way before. No sight has ever been so beautiful. No joke has ever been so hilarious. The thoughts and emotions triggered by the little smiles and touches are novel, pure, and sublime.

Edit: I just saw the Twilight scene... oh gosh. This was totally not supposed to sound like a Twilight post or anything... I haven't even watched the movies. But that last paragraph.. I swear the context is different. I didn't know Twilight had a slow-dancing scene while the song played. I was thinking of something else. Sigh...
xoxo
Bea

A Day Before The Storm

Today, I went biking. My legs are cold from the biting wind and the droplets of rain that it brought along, but I felt wonderful. I haven’t gone biking in a long time, partly because the only bike I am tall enough to ride belongs to my brother, and partly because I don’t have the time for it. So today, when I rode my bike and pedaled across the neighborhood, it felt like the first time in years.

It was thrilling. I don’t know what it is about the wind blowing past your face, causing your jacket and hair to fly, or being able to control how fast you go through the pedal and breaks. I don’t know what it is about those things that make me feel like I’m a heroine from a western movie or novel.

Anyway, as I ride on my bike and take in my surroundings, I am overcome with a pressing premonition of danger. The sky is covered with clouds, and the atmosphere is chilly. The trees sway with the wind in an almost hypnotic fashion, as though they possess some kind of wooden magic. Everything moves slowly, and the clouds that hang above us are thick and grey.

When I reach the front of my neighborhood—the part where you can see the main road opposite it, I am slightly surprised to be met with silence. The road is empty, and it is the first time I've seen it this way. No cars whooshing past, no jeepneys stopping at the corner of the road, and no people walking by. Nothing.

The entire world seems quiet today. The dogs I usually fear have stopped barking and are hidden, and everyone is at their homes. The wind is rustling ever-so-carefully, and apart from me and my bicycle, the world is still.

It is this subtle atmosphere that makes most people feel panicked. It is like the way the sea pulls back before releasing a gigantic wave. It is the calm before the storm. In this case, the storm of the year.

When I return to my house, I am aware that Typhoon Haiyan/Yolanda will hit my place in a few hours. I am aware that after one day, the world won’t quite be the same, and some of my things will have been broken. I am aware that my backyard and everything past the gate of my house will have been flooded. Above all, I know that there is nothing I can do.

I am aware of all these things, and so, like mother nature, I brace myself and wait for it to arrive.

Written yesterday: Nov. 7, 2013.

xoxo
Bea

Someday

Someone who would stay up at midnight to have a chat with me.

Someone who just understands.

Someone who doesn't try too hard to impress me.

Someone who doesn't see me as a shy and fragile person.

Someone who'd rather talk in person than chat or text.

Someone who has a great sense of humor.

Someone who feels passionate about a number of things.

Someone who is nice but not quite obviously so.

Someone who can play a musical instrument, or try at least.

Someone who can follow what I'm going on about even half the time.

Someone who smells nice.

Someone who can appreciate art.

I will find you.

Broken

It's been weeks since we talked; months if you don't count the awkward Hi's and Bye's. Perhaps the last time we participated in any real deep conversation was when I last saw you, before we said goodbye. We promised to keep in touch, but you and I both broke that promise. Still, I remember when the stars were so bright and the sky was full of colours; when our bonds held stronger than chemicals. Had we gotten too busy to remember? Had we made it too easy to forget?

(Written while listening to 'We Are Broken' by Paramore)
(Day 1 of Sembreak 2013)

XOXO
Bea

Sweet

It's dusk and I lay on my bed, staring at the window. It's that time of the day again yet I am not sad. I look at the pale blue sky I've always tried to avoid; somehow, it does not depress me today. Rather, excitement builds up on my chest and I wait for nighttime to come. It's a foreign feeling, and I'm not sure what to think of it yet.

They gather around me smiling, joyous and far more excited than I am. This surprises me, but it's a pleasant experience and one that doesn't come so often. I've been accustomed to a dull and mundane world, and this day should have flew by like any other.

It's weird, different, wonderful-- so, so wonderful when something like this happens. As I get up, I realize that it's night. I head downstairs and watch the moon and stars come into full view.

The cake is sweet.

XOXO
Bea

I want girls to look at mirrors and say, "Hello Gorgeous"

Because you are. Everyone is. Don't ever allow anyone to step over you and tell you otherwise because they're lying.

Smile and do what makes you happy. Remember that someone out there is experiencing the same things you are, and someone out there knows exactly how you feel.

Don't let their opinions get to you. Repeat this blog's mantra again and again until it's drilled properly in your head. Frame it if you have to.

You don't need perfect skin or a slim figure to be beautiful.

Be positive.

XOXO
Bea