Saturday, February 8, 2014

After the scholarship dinner

I'm tired.

I just got back from that scholarship orientation, and I have to say that this day left me exhausted and sad. It was surreal, seeing all of my summer friends at the exact place I met them... actually being in that place for a few hours and interacting with... everyone.

But I'm home now... and that short period of time has once again turned into a memory. A fresh memory that will be morphed by time. Memories shall fade, and this experience, too, shall get away from me someday.

 It was heaven, although I didn't realize it at that time. I had forgotten that my hours were numbered as I basked in the presence of my old friends. I must have been blinded by my own excitement. And then it was time to go.

That was surreal, too... saying goodbye to everyone just like that and leaving the most beautiful place in the country. Hopping into the vehicle and driving away. In a second, they were gone. I was gone.

And while I was in the car, staring at the mass of concrete outside the car window, I realized that it was goodbye. It was goodbye to this marvelous institution that nurtured me and gave me all of the love and attention I never deserved. It was goodbye to all of these brilliant people and seeing them on a daily basis.

It was goodbye to my dream school because I had to sort out my priorities. Somehow I felt like I wasn't ever going to go back.

As the institution faded in the distance and new structures took its place, I felt my heart grow heavy in my chest.

(I'm too tired to write better. I'm sorry..... )