Saturday, July 27, 2013

I guess it's one of those nights again.

Yes, my eyes are wet tonight. It happened again. That thing that takes place every now and then wherein I pick a fight with my parents; wherein my mom ends up crying and we have to lock ourselves up in a room so as to not attract attention and to save ourselves the embarrassment of being discovered by my siblings. I'm okay now. Really. But I realized a lot of things tonight.

1.) I really am a bad daughter. I am a rude and selfish person who takes advantage (albeit unconsciously) of people who love her.
2.) My parents pamper me too much. If only they didn't, maybe I wouldn't have turned into the monster I am today. Maybe I would be full of love and kittens.
3.) Why I am not full of love and kittens? Because I am a rebel, introvert, and middle child. I think I didn't get pampered very much in my early childhood years, and I carried that indifferent/cold-hearted attitude up till my adolescent years. I probably can't change it either.
4.) I have to learn to listen to my parents.
5.) They, in turn, should learn when to leave me alone.
6.) I guess all of these episodes, all of these problems, all the times they ever told me that they regretted my existence, all of those nights I spent crying myself to sleep--- they made me who I am. They made me stronger.

And I guess in the near future, I will be thankful for these times. Because now, I have the need and reason to prove to everyone that I am good.

XOXO
Bea