Thursday, August 7, 2014

Goodbye.

I started blogging four years ago because I was bored and treated the internet like a shiny new toy that was yet to be unwrapped. I talked about silly things- shopping lists and annoying sisters, and that was what this entire thing was all about back then; a means of entertainment as I waited for the seemingly endless summer days to pass. This was how my mind worked at that time: watch T.V, think of something random, hurry and post it without checking for typographical errors, and feel accomplished. I was a very simple kid with a particularly limited perspective. I was almost always happy, and almost everything made sense.

Then, High School rolled out and a few things changed about me. My body started chugging out more hormones and with this came a wave of turbulent emotions. I was still mostly a heartless kid, but I became more stubborn than ever. Suddenly, fights with my parents had gotten worse, and I started caring about other things aside from my shows or my friends.

I hit my lowest point in Junior year. A series of unfortunate events coupled with successive intense arguments I had with my parents made for quite a troubled and depressed teenage girl. I still mostly kept to myself and smiled when someone else was with me, but I do remember lying in bed all weekend and chocolate being the only thing that could ease my mood.

Senior Year was a mix of the best and the worst. While I still despised a lot of things about everything around me, it was decidedly better than I had been during those horrid months the year before. And while my relationships with everyone were getting better, my situation certainly wasn't. I suddenly hated school, and everything about it stressed the heck out of me. But I could deal with that because school still ended at 4:30 every day, and so I only needed to wait for a little while before returning home and doing relaxing things.

Nevertheless, I do believe that I am very fortunate to have grown up with this type of mindset. Because regardless of whatever secret trouble I went through or my teenage angst, I'm still a naturally positive thinker. I choose to be happy and look at the bright side of things. I will always believe that someone has it worse than me, and I will always be somehow okay. In this sense, I am not a prisoner of my own mind the same way a lot of my friends are. I believe that the world can be just as bright and happy as it is bleak and desolate; that happy people can be as deep as sad ones.

And so, it's interesting to note how this blog has captured and archived several versions of me from different points in my life; how my thoughts have matured and progressed with every new thing I posted. I can see exactly how my bubbly twelve-year-old self saw the world and compare it to my angsty fifteen. It's as though somebody took snapshots of my thoughts and feelings and preserved them forever.

However, it feels as though my blog has finally reached its natural end as I'm done with High School. It's fine time to put my things in a box and set them aside until I come across them again someday. I believe that this is what I have to do with this blog. This would be the best time and way to end it.

Of course, I won't stop blogging, but I'll be in college soon. I'll be maturing differently.

And so, adios amigos! It's been a crazy and thrilling teenage ride!

XOXO
Bea