Friday, November 29, 2013

Perhaps All You Need Is Confidence

Oh, Bea. What is it? Why do people even think that you're brilliant? I mean, honestly. You're pretty smart... you know that. But aside from the general ability to understand lessons and absorb topics quickly, well, you're not exceptional. You're not superior.

Why do people insist that you're a lazy genius? Why do they think that you don't try hard enough? That you don't work hard? You do. Hell freaking yes you definitely do. Sure, you're prone to distractions and starting late, but you do study. And you study until midnight sometimes. That's dedication... isn't it?

Also, you're definitely not the brightest among your siblings. You might have been the smartest child a year ago or two, but things have changed. You don't feel too bad about it because being second best takes a lot of weight and pressure off your shoulders. Always having to achieve the same things as your older brother, always having to be the brightest star... that was really stressful, wasn't it? Bea, Bea, Bea. Why do they still think you're the smartest? You're not secretly flattered as you are confused and incredulous.

You definitely don't think you're smarter than your older brother or younger sister for that matter. You don't believe you have any cards up your sleeve. No secret abilities... nein! What are these people seeing? You cannot understand what makes you, well... 'exceptional'. You wish you were kidding yourself but you really aren't. You're nothing but someone who happens to be a bit bight and imaginative. You don't really have anything else going for you... no photographic memory... you have pretty bad memory, actually.

These people who've been trying to get you to believe in yourself... they aren't liars. You trust in their opinion... maybe just not on this particular one. Maybe you're like an unreleased album- made to be really flashy and interesting from the outside, but actually lame once you open it.

The honor roll just came out today. You're in Second place. You used to be the First honor, but you aren't devastated by this news. You're okay. You expected worse. At the same time, however, you realize that you need to step up. You need to become the Valedictorian- not for yourself but for your clan (especially for that certain uncle of yours).

You're happy for your friend, though. While the computation for both of your grades are somewhat questionable (and not because you're bitter or anything, but the scores just don't add up right), you know that she definitely deserved getting First place. Besides, she hasn't received this much recognition since Sixth grade. You're happy for her. Legitimately happy.

But here come your parents and family friends, telling you about a certain rule that your school didn't follow. Telling you that you would've been first if you presented the memo to your school and reminded them of that rule. They tell you that it's only right, that you're not only doing this for yourself but also for future academically inclined students who too might be cheated of their grades. With all this being said, you do believe in this cause. You do think it's honorable and would have immediately done what they told you to do if it weren't for your friend. Everyone's been congratulating her, being happy for her, and it feels like too much of a sin to take that away. You don't know what to do. You wouldn't want people to think wrongly of you. You're confused, Bea.

However, with all of these things happening, you remember a certain event that made you really happy today. Your class adviser walked over to you and whispered, "Don't be discouraged." You smiled. You realized that underneath the shadows, a lot of people were rooting for you- your teachers, friends of your parents, etc. You realized that you aren't totally alone in this. You remembered that really intelligent guy in school who predicted that you'd be Vale four years ago (that was during the time he was graduating). You remembered the lot of parents who thought you deserved the position.

So, dear Bea, please be the Valedictorian. Do it for the people who believe in you. You now have them to fight for.

Written: 11/29/13. I'd forgotten to publish it.



XOXO
Bea